Emotional control is a skill that even some adults struggle with. However, the skill can be learned effectively with practice and someone to help you along the way. Similarly, little kids need all the help they can get in learning how to control their emotions. When emotions run high, children can feel overwhelmed and not in control. It is important that adults help them regain control without lashing out, yelling, or shaming our kids for their feelings.
Here are 5 ways to start teaching your kids how to control their emotions. With enough practice, they should be able to start figuring out their feelings on their own soon enough.
1. Start by Acknowledging and Validating Your Child’s Feelings
When your kids experience big emotions and can’t quite handle their feelings, they might express themselves through tantrums or crying and screaming. Even if this is not the kind of behavior you want to see from them, it is important to first acknowledge how they are feeling and validate them before you discipline them. For example, take a moment to tell your kid, “I can understand that you feel very upset right now,” or “I know you’re angry; why don’t you tell me why you feel that way?”
2. Teach Your Child to Recognize and Name Their Emotions
Young children don’t always have the vocabulary to express their emotions. You can ask your child how they are feeling, and they might tell you they’re angry when they’re actually frustrated. So, it can be helpful to teach your child to recognize and name their emotions. Sad can have many different root emotions like disappointment or worry, and so on. A great tool for teaching children different emotions is the Feelings Family Hand Puppets set from Hand2Mind.
3. Feeling Low Is Okay, But Certain Actions Are Not
While it is important to let your kid know that having different feelings is okay and that everyone experiences certain feelings every now and then, teaching them about emotional control is essential. Let them know that certain actions associated with those feelings are not okay. For example, your kid might feel angry, but that doesn’t mean they can throw their toys around or try to hit you. By helping them develop emotional control, they can learn to express their emotions in a healthier and more constructive way.
4. Redirect Negative Emotions to Positive Ones
A good way to control their emotions is by redirecting the negative ones into positive ones. When feeling bad, teach your kid to move those bad feelings in a good direction. If your kid is crying, for example, offer them a hug or physical affection to bring about feelings of comfort. You can also encourage your kid to write down how they are feeling in a Gratitude Journal like the one by author Mary Nhin.
5. Teach Your Child Some Helpful Coping Skills
Teach your child coping skills to control their emotions through. When feeling overwhelmed with any kind of feeling, they can channel that energy into doing something that will help them calm down. Taking a break to lie down, doing some deep breathing, or any kind of physical activity to work off the extra energy are all good ideas to try. Check out the Self-Regulation Workbook for Kids by Jenna Berman for more helpful coping skills.
With enough practice, support from parents and adults around, your kids can learn how to control their emotions. Make it a daily practice to ask kids how they are doing. Use a feelings chart to get kids to express their feelings. Understanding your emotions and having emotional control takes time to learn and understand. Be patient with your child.